its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
