we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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