someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
