uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
