I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
