why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
