this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
