just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
