Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
