I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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