Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
