Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
being pregnant is like rehab
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
