I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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