Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
