Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
