She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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