I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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