there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
