bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
