Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize