I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
