He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
