At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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