Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
