I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
