i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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