i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
