Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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