Your dad touched me again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ttyl tear gas
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
