i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
