the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
