you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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