i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize