last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
