I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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