I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
