So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
