This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my being single is dangerous.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
