Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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