Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
