The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize