I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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