Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
