Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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