I can text with my tongue
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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