It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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