just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
