he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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