he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
