i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
