Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This is classic penis vs brain.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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