I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
