how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When are your genitals available?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
