First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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