ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
