His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
