I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
