That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
