I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize