I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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