Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
