birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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