he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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