I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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