I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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