I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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