its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
