You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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