you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
