Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
