You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
