I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
