We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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