I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
