it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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