Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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